Self Care: Addressing Unworthiness

In a world that teaches us to pick ourselves apart, we’ve learned to partake in the rebellion of self-love. We’ve embraced the importance of self reflection, but what about those areas in which we deny ourselves grace? We hide in shame about obstacles we’ve deemed unforgivable and invite unworthiness to speak doom over our lives.

Here are three ways to win a seemingly lost battle:

1. Forgive yourself.

A pivotal moment in repentance is to turn away from the things that are holding us back. However, we can’t dismiss something we’ve never acknowledged. We search our memory banks and fight to take secrets to our graves when they might be the very thing that’s sending us there. I challenge you to address any barrier you’ve placed on yourself, take the time to process why you’ve permitted it to reign over you and sincerely apologize to yourself. In doing this, we declare ourselves worthy in spite of our circumstances and strive for the excellence we’re not only capable of but designed for.

2. Know that you’re already worthy.

While scrolling Instagram one day I came across a quote from Brene Brown that struck a cord in my heart. It said “Worthy now. Not if. Not when.” A major hurdle I’ve had to overcome is accepting good things because I didn’t feel I was worthy of them. I wouldn’t accept compliments because I told myself I wasn’t beautiful enough or had too many faults in my attitude. I couldn’t embrace promotions in my career because I didn’t have a college degree and decided I wasn’t qualified enough. Unfortunately, life’s blessings pass us by because of thoughts like mine. We often act as if we have to reach a certain standard to be deserving of something and we don’t. Our existence simply makes us worthy of whatever we desire.

3. Prepare for your win.

Although we are worthy of the things we desire, we have to prepare to be able to flourish in them. If someone wants to be in the NBA, they are worthy of that dream, but the preparation they implement will secure their fate. How much are they shooting in the gym? Are they working out to build stamina? Are they learning to thrive under pressure and criticism? The key to avoiding perfectionism is planning your strategy. Decide for yourself how you want to go about reaching your goal and attack it. It’s okay to have timelines to keep yourself accountable, but remain focused on your goal, not how much time it’s taking.

While preparing for my day yesterday, I listened to a sermon by Pastor Mike Todd entitled “You Can’t Stop Me”, where he empowered listeners to not let anything stop them from reaching their purpose, not even themselves. At the end of the sermon, he disclosed how he uses his cell phone camera to talk to weary characteristics of himself and tell them that he won’t allow them to discourage his growth. This week, I encourage you to do the same for yourself. Make any mirror your home of affirmation and say things like “I’m worthy”, “I will finish strong”, and “the best is yet to come.” Faith it until you make it and use your journey as evidence that your words hold power. Watch your words.

Live loved.

Mel